We all know the risk/reward of becoming a famous musician. The liberation of doing what you love, expressing your creativity and showcasing your talent to the world every day (with the favourable monetary rewards) versus the exposure to the public eye, long hours, lack of privacy (and sleep) and very questionable work/life balance. But as well as creating innovative music, releasing hit records and cultivating a loyal fanbase, musicians now also have to fire off funny comebacks in an unending war against Twitter trolls.
Fans love to feel close to their favourite artists, read about their favourite colours in magazines and watch their Instagram stories (clutching onto that glimmer of hope that they’ve checked into a nearby restaurant so we can scurry down and bump into them), not to mention religiously refresh their Spotify feeds for any songs that might yet be undiscovered.
And some of those artists love to give us what we want: a continuous stream of social-media updates, (rightly or wrongly) opinionated tweets and a closer look into their day-to-day lives and personalities (hoorah!).
But not everybody is like us*, unfortunately, (*Us: the respectful music lovers and artist appreciators out there.)
So, what lies on the other side of artists being so in tune with their fans?
The people who might not be as fond of them as we are.
That’s right. We’re talking about trolls.
No, not the creepy-but-cute kind with the gravity-defying, car-stopping, rainbow-coloured hair (that kinda gave some kids nightmares, to be honest). These are the trolls that real nightmares are made of…
Music’s Top 5 Tweeters And Funny Troll Comebacks
Social media was all fun and games, and then the trolls had to come along and give their two cents on – well, pretty much everyone, but, most importantly, our favourite artists. As much as we love these musicians, we can’t fight their battles for them – but then some of them have shown they really don’t need us to.
Our list of the Top 5 tweeters and funny troll comebacks consists of a variety of responses to this kind of foul play. Some of our artists laugh in the face of trolls. Some join in with them. Some take on the roll of troll themselves, and turn on their fellow-artists. And some – well, they just don’t give a fuck what the trolls say, they’re going to tweet their hearts out anyway.
5: Kanye West
“N-now th-that don’t kill me/Can only make me stronger…” If you’re such a tough guy, Yeezy, why are you getting Kim to fight your battles for you (literally – she’s his lawyer, get it?).
Uh oooooh ? pic.twitter.com/bupcJOYnxm
— ye (@kanyewest) September 16, 2020
In all seriousness, Kanye West earns his place on our list of the top tweeters for sheer volume and controversial variety. If you haven’t cast your eyes on his Twitter yet, we recommend you do so – and quickly, before he gets suspended again for mass tweeting. One minute he’s quoting the bible…
Psalm 118:6
6 The Lord is with me;I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?— ye (@kanyewest) September 16, 2020
… Next he’s posting videos pissing on his Grammy in the toilet [holds hands to face in shock]. We’ll take that Grammy, if you don’t want it, Ye.
Trust me … I WONT STOP pic.twitter.com/RmVkqrSa4F
— ye (@kanyewest) September 16, 2020
He’s not afraid to reach out to his fellow artists, either, or ask for help when he needs it. (Even from Taylor Swift?!?! He must really want that retweet…)
Bono can I get a retweet Love you Paul can I get a retweet love you Drake Kendrick even Taylor We need you right noooooow ⛷
— ye (@kanyewest) September 16, 2020
Not to mention keeping us in the loop with his favourite theories and conspiracies…
We used to diss Michael Jackson the media made us call him crazy … then they killed him
— ye (@kanyewest) September 16, 2020
If you haven’t seen his Twitter yet, it’s definitely worth your morning or evening “in-bed” scroll, or commute if you’re one of the lucky (or unlucky, subject to opinion) ones that still get to travel to work every day.
4: Noel Gallagher
Noel Gallagher is well known in the troll department – not for being trolled, but for trolling his fellow musicians (oh no he didn’t). Famously, he trolled Lewis Capaldi during a live interview and started one of our favourite music artist feuds of all time (that’s a whole different story…).
“There are many things that I would like to say to you/But I don’t know how…” Well, he certainly knows how now. Noel once preached “don’t look back in anger”, but does he practice it? Where he might openly troll in his live interviews, his Twitter is a more subtle and, let’s say, indirect story, full of sarcastic, hilarious visuals but, most importantly, rejecting at all costs the idea of Oasis getting back together…
So..just while I'm in between having my nails done and taking my regular elocution lessons I'd like to point out AGAIN that I'm not aware of any offer for any amount of money to reform the legendary rock'n'folk outfit Oasis.
— Noel Gallagher (@NoelGallagher) March 3, 2020
And the award for The Least Subtle Troll About Your Sibling In The History Of Tweets goes to…
To whoever might be arsed:
I am not aware of any offer from anybody for any amount of money to reform the legendary Mancunian Rock’n’Roll group Oasis.
I am fully aware though that someone has a single to promote so that’s maybe where the confusion lies.— Noel Gallagher (@NoelGallagher) February 4, 2020
We are all arsed, Noel (we just wish it were different news). We also love it when the celeb “petty wars” begin – you know the type: the indirect, underhanded comments against their frenemies or, worse, family. Well, if that’s your kind of humour, grab your popcorn and look no further than Noel’s tweets about the release of Liam’s new single.
Nothing to see here dudes and dollies.
Silence is still golden..and just in case you weren’t already aware someone still has a new single out. I believe it’s called “Once” which is the exact amount of times it should be played.— Noel Gallagher (@NoelGallagher) February 16, 2020
Snaaaaaaaap! But it’s not all bad, is it Noel? Apparently, upon meeting a dreary-faced girl in Levi’s who wasn’t going to hit her sales quota, he bought ten pairs of 501s to make her day! (Queue violins and elongated “Awwwwwww…”) He does have a heart in there somewhere.
I remember when I worked in Levi’s at selfridges Noel Gallagher came in and asked why I looked sad, I told him I hadn’t hit target and he bought 10 pairs of black 501’s I’ll never forget that.
— Audrey (@audreythefinest) August 5, 2020
3: Charli XCX
The queen of teaching us to break the rules, boom clap and taking us back to 1999. Taking a slightly different approach, instead of waiting for trolls to take the piss out of her, Charli XCX reverses the funny comeback and takes the piss out of herself first – and we commend it.
Whether it’s asking for her fans’ input on album covers, or shedding light on what making a music video really looks like while “working from home”, this pop diva offers it all.
First up, Charli poses on her bed in what can only be described as her best Teletubby impersonation (in a green-screen costume), to the joy of her fans on Twitter…
album cover?? pic.twitter.com/roafuxnglc
— Charli (@charli_xcx) April 21, 2020
Green is your colour, Charli. This girl also isn’t afraid to retweet her most embarrassing (or revealing) outtakes. She often asks her fans to help her choose her album covers – but, tactfully, the upside butt shot didn’t make it in as a contender.
"forever" outtake pic.twitter.com/tx8qcToCwI
— CHARLI XCX UPDATES? (@FckyeahCharli) April 12, 2020
We get it, Charli. When you’re working from home it can sometimes be hard to remember the basics:
Wash your hair? Check.
Brush your teeth? Check.
Put on trousers? Damn it, we knew we’d forgotten something!
going live on insta in a couple of minutes. i will be wearing trousers. pic.twitter.com/pCnMZPNMHW
— Charli (@charli_xcx) April 10, 2020
Charli offers a complementary mix of sass with taking the Michael (out of herself). To finish off our roll call of her funniest tweets, it had to be her joke submission for the Gal Gadot Imagine video.
sorry i’m late guys!! (jk) pic.twitter.com/HzDoe3w8rk
— Charli (@charli_xcx) March 19, 2020
2: James Blunt
Who else, other than the outspoken king of Twitter troll comebacks? Blunt by name, blunt by nature – and best known for standing in the rain, removing items of clothing and singing, “You’re beautiful.”
Is it his self-deprecating nature we love so much? Or the fact he’s not just witty, but also a good role model for youngsters? (Don’t drink and tweet is valuable life advice not to be taken for granted… “James Blunt for Prime Minister”?)
Kids – this is why we don’t drink and tweet. https://t.co/eDX6OVnFWp
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 22, 2020
When the trolls claim James Blunt used to have some bangers, he offers a helping hand to correct their grammar mistakes…
Has. https://t.co/sThNhQpqeM https://t.co/uDkpucistT
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) July 3, 2020
Oh, Blunty, you just can’t escape the “one-hit wonder” and “past tense” trolling, can you? It’s good to stand up to the trolls, but, ultimately, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, eh?
That’s what our man quickly learned…
So you catch Coronavirus and have to be hospitalised and while you’re thinking can my life get any worse @JamesBlunt comes on the hospital radio. Perfect. https://t.co/nDGgv8SisL
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) May 15, 2020
He’s timely. He keeps his finger on the pulse with current affairs. And – our very favourite of his Twitter qualities – he’s not afraid to give himself a good rinsing. (In all seriousness, though, what a top guy for hosting a hospital radio show during the COVID-19 pandemic. We knew we liked you, James!)
During lockdown, while many other artists are doing mini-concerts from their homes, I thought I’d do you all a favour and not.
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 25, 2020
Oh, and what we wouldn’t do to be in a crowded place right about now… James Blunt reminds us of life in 2000 BC.** (** Before Coronavirus, that is.)
Singing “I saw your face in a crowded place” suddenly seems a little dated.
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 27, 2020
Thanks for the continued LOLs, James. We can always count on you…
1: Lewis Capaldi
Before you go… it should be no surprise who’s made No.1 on our list of music’s top Tweeters. The king of joining in with his own trolling, the one and the only someone you loved… it’s @LewisCapaldi, aka “i don’t even know who lewis capaldi is”.
Whether it’s posting extremely flattering (ahem) up-close selfies, video “ads” taking the piss out of his gym workouts, or ripping his own songs, Capaldi offers it all (and that’s before the trolls have even got involved). There really is something wildly charming about someone who knows how to stick it to themselves, isn’t there?
Just seen I’m trending. Hope everyone is okay xo pic.twitter.com/MT4fiFlZKK
— Lewis Capaldi (@LewisCapaldi) July 3, 2020
No matter what the trolls throw at Capaldi, he just isn’t fazed. The undisputed master of delivering funny comebacks, we are yet to see him take any piece of trolling seriously, or react with anything other than pure hilarity. If anything, he seems to find the attacks pretty funny himself, and often shares/retweets them, giving his trolls an even wider audience (over one million Twitter followers and counting…).
looking forward to boring the tits off you all at the festivals next year https://t.co/mju7I9w7I4 pic.twitter.com/06kLnPFHO9
— Lewis Capaldi (@LewisCapaldi) August 31, 2020
“Bovvered? Am I bovvered, though?” (read in Catherine Tate’s famous “Lauren” voice). We can tell you this for free, Lewis Capaldi certainly isn’t. Whether it’s renouncing his new releases, likening them to the world’s suffering in 2020 (what a year), or just plain offering his wit, we are all here for it…
If you’re still wondering why he tops our list of music’s Top 5 tweeters and funny troll comebacks, see this collection of our favourite Lewis Capaldi posts:
You’re welcome world x https://t.co/sVOlQdEfQV
— Lewis Capaldi (@LewisCapaldi) August 13, 2020
could be less painful to just turn it off https://t.co/7TPARcv9Ni
— Lewis Capaldi (@LewisCapaldi) December 15, 2019
hi thanks for checking in I’m STILL A PIECE OF GARBAAAGEE
— Lewis Capaldi (@LewisCapaldi) May 15, 2020
Never change, Capaldi.
